


LOVESICK GIRL ➸ k. tsukishima

by SWAGZEYAMATOBIYOLO



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Dark Past, F/M, Past Abuse, Self-Harm, Sex, Smut, toxiclove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:54:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29481786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SWAGZEYAMATOBIYOLO/pseuds/SWAGZEYAMATOBIYOLO
Summary: ➯ IN WHICH A LOVESICK GIRL CAN'T HELP BUT FORGIVE TSUKISHIMA KEI OVER AND OVER AGAIN.↱ how was she strong enough tohold onto him? she wasn't. shewas a replaying source of sadnessand inside their little apartment,their arguments would litter,cheating would happen, wordsthat hurt & more. she needed togo. but where when he had herin the palm of his hand.𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐄, 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐄, 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌, 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐆𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆.
Relationships: Komori Motoya/Suna Rintarou, Suna Rintarou & Reader, Suna Rintarou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	LOVESICK GIRL ➸ k. tsukishima

**Author's Note:**

> 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: SEPARATION ANXIETY, SMUT && SELF-HARM

It has been said that when you love someone, you start to lose yourself and forget that you are a special individual that has her own needs to tend and attend to. To the point that cutting yourself became a habitual thing for you to do, crying was normal, clinging onto someone that didn't help your situation anymore was normal. It was all normal to the extent that you didn't understand what normal was. In your eyes, Tsukishima Kei was everything and it was hard to let that go. 

His sadistic needs reeled in his golden orbs as they watched you. He was smart, in fact, intelligent but Tsukishima didn't care about that. He had problems. Such horrible problems that let you know that he didn't care about you and what you did, how many times red cuts were to appear on your arm and how you loved him endlessly. Truth be told, Tsukishima loved you. He loves you so much but its been a while since he showed you how much he truly does live up to his heart's desires. It used to be happy but things changed as time went pass. At the bottom of your heart, you would wish for what your relationship was like in the past to come back. Those nostalgic, wholesome moments. You missed them terribly. 

However, there was nothing you could do about it. Only to catch those remaining drops of love that would come from him.

"I'm going to shower," he said as he walked into your shared apartment. Tsukishima stopped you before you went to jump on him with a hug. His face was blank as he dropped his duffel bag on the hallway and into the room, closing the door prior to your excitement coming in.

You smiled, happy that he came home safely. You put the duffel into the room and sat on the bed, waiting for your boyfriend to come out after his shower. You just finished your shift earlier. You worked as a manager for a professional volleyball team called EJP Raijin, similar to how Tsukishima played in one. They were a good team and took care of you well, considering how you just joined the job a few months ago. You were still getting to know your team and how things worked.

Minutes passed of you on your phone, distracting yourself from the obvious edging pain of his coldness. It was funny how much of it you could hide and you couldn't bring it up either because he would oh-so coldly reject you. That's how Tsukishima acted. He soon came into the room, towel hanging at his waist, slight droplets on his muscular shoulders and down. You found yourself staring the details down far too quickly. He smirked, catching your stomach in butterflies.

"You make it too obvious," Tsukishima walked up to you. You were sitting with your legs dangling at the side of the bed, meaning that you were easy access to this man. You were surprised when he slightly caressed your face with his big hand, guiding you to look up into his eyes. The shock had paralysed your body. After all, it had been some time since you had him act lovingly or sexually towards you. You were beginning to realise how touch-starved you truly were. 

Your hands were planted behind you, awed by Tsukishima. He pulled you into a kiss with his hand on your face. Of course, being touch-starved as you were, your hands wrapped around his neck. The slight friction on the bed slid on your thighs as you moved back on the bed to allow him on too. His tongue slid into your mouth as his other hand wrapped around your waist, guiding you to lay down on the set of pillows organised by you earlier that day. There was really no point of fixing the bed when it was about to be messed up anyways.

Tsukishima's lips pushed down your neck in a wet trail of kisses as his other hand pulled off your shorts and underwear. You gasped into the kiss when his finger accidentally scrapped against your clit. You forgot how good that felt. 

"Come on baby." he spoke, pulling out. 

He glanced down at your thighs where more cuts laid. You looked for his special reaction...

There was none.

It could've meant two things but you weren't in that depressing mood to think which one of the reasons it was when Tsukishima was here presenting his opportunity to you. He removed his towel and pushed your thighs open, right on the cuts. You flinched.

"Sorry."

Nothing else.

He removed his towel and threw it to the side. It was probably non-existent by now. Tsukishima pumped his dick between his long fingers as you watched from your spot, anticipating for it to fill you up with the same, enslaving feeling it would always give. You were once again enthralled when Tsukishima pushed into you, his hands at either side of your waist as he pumped into you, creating a coat of your wetness on him. Moans slipped from you and him at the longing pleasure.

"Oh God," he moaned as you hugged him onto you, moving yourself to help him reach his orgasm. "You're so good at this, Y/N." He whispered it into your ear, causing blood to rise to your cheeks. The tingling feeling retained your ear as you listened to Tsukishima moan softly into your ear.

This was one of the many moments you looked for—loving moments. Some type of loving moment from Tsukishima Kei.

Tsukishima was leaning over the kitchen counter, dressed for practice when you walked out of the bedroom the next morning. Thanks to him, your legs were not working competently and seeing him in that position hadn't helped much. The way he was putting his weight on the table, using his phone. You flinched as you took another step, noticing the tall man in your house.

"Tsukki." you smiled.

He glanced over from his phone to you before looking back within a second, not caring about your presence. If it had been years ago, he would blush, smile because he remembered what happened the night before. But things have changed, haven't they? It was comical how powerful yet sickly this endless abuse made you. He used you.

"I'm going to practice now." he stated, ignoring your greeting. He opened the front door, rather forcefully.

"Hey, have you eaten yet? I can make you breakfast. Do you mind dropping me also? There's no bus for at least an hour and I—"

Tsukishima walked out and you were following him too, until he closed the door right at your face, causing you to abruptly take a step back at the noise. The shock secured goosebumps to rise on your arms below the white button-up you were clad in. That stung more than you expected... 

Why did the pain never go?

Tsukishima had done it before, infinite times had he closed the door right in your face. It was like he stopped your heart every time with the bang of the door. A moment would pass after each time, where you stood still, staring at the door. Waiting. Until he would come? But not once had the arrogantly-mannered middle blocker come to comfort your needs.

+

"Hey guys! We have a photoshoot for a magazine in thirty minutes!" you called as you walked in with the water bottle crate. The door swung shut behind you as you walked in, stepping towards the bleachers. The boys excitedly cheered, making a smile come onto your face. You were just as excited as them. This was the second photoshoot since you became manager and boy, you were proud of them for capturing another opportunity with their skills. 

"Okay!" a few of them called out and then, they went to hit the showers as the photoshoot was coming soon.

You smiled at them and went back out to sort a few more things out for their photoshoot. Their gym was considerably spacious, reflecting that they were Division 1 League. They were respectful and modest about their wins and loses too. How lucky were you? 

Minutes passed by as the tensioned atmosphere you were holding, slipped away. You were glad that everything was going as planned. 

"Y/N." the coach called.

"Yes, Coach?"

"Can you bring the boys to the other gym?" 

"Sure." you answered with a nod. You turned around and headed towards the exit of the boys locker room. An important border of line had brought forth in your concerns. You cupped your hands to yell inside. "Are you guys ready to go?!"

Answers came forth, those of agreements. Next, they came out with their reversed uniforms, excited expressions plastered on their faces. Some nervous. You led them back to the other gym to get their photoshoot done to which they were super anticipated for. It was like they had won an award of some sort. The whole time you sat by the bench, clapping and helping with instructions when needed.

"Komori, you have such a cute smile!" you awed as he finished with his individual shot.

"Thanks, Y/N-chan!" he said and walked to the other side of the boys who were done with their shots. With that, he was carried away with his conversation with the other members. You altered your focus back to the remaining of the photoshoot left.

+

Once the shoot was over, you guys respectfully bid the magazine reporters a goodbye and then, walked back to the locker room. Well, you were behind them, checking your phone since they were all away in their own conversation. You were trying not to mind into their business, seeing they were talking about what young guys would talk about. You clicked onto your messaging app instead, heart fluttering slightly. Did he text you? The anticipation flooded in your stomach greatly as you forced your eyes to stay open to check.

He did!

Excitedly, you opened his message, almost stumbling over your own two feet that he texted you.

Tsukishima <3: I'm on my way to pick you up now. I'll wait for you at the foyer.

You swore you were about to leap from the joy. From him slamming the door in your face this morning to him picking you up from work. Oh, what a tragic love you were living. So bad the bloody tears that dripped down your face were unknown by your own self. How could you not know this was the bare minimum from the arrogant King? But, you were still smiling like a complete fool. 

"Y/N-san, what's that?" a voice spoke up.

You snapped your head to the right, the source of a voice peeking at you. Your eyes suddenly widened, realising far too quickly. 

Suna.

"W-What?"

You still asked when you knew.

"That." He was shocked. Expectedly, you followed the line of his sight to your arms that were slightly lifted to hold your phone. Your sleeves fell down, exposing the aching lines of red residing on your arm. 

You felt your heart drop to your stomach upon being so careless. Beginning to question yourself, you were absorbed in another wave of self-hate, cringing at yourself for the stupid thing you just did.

You guys had stopped walking and what a coincidence, it was just before the opened foyer of the gym. A door swung open but you and Suna were too shocked to move an inch. Footsteps were approaching, no one moved as his eyes stuck onto you, slowly coming to his own realisation. However, you had no idea what his realisation was. Was it that you were abused or that you did it yourself? You had no clue.

"Y/N."

You pulled down your sleeves as your abdomen twisted. You looked to your left, where the foyer was. There he was, Tsukishima Kei.

He didn't look at you when he said your name. He was glaring at Suna. His eyes punctured through the lazy middle blocker who was barely coming out of his shock. You gulped, reading the chilling room.

"Bye, Suna. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late again!" You rushed over to Tsukishima, grabbing his hand and making a run for it. Being in between such fearsome eye contact had made your skin tingle, you just didn't get a positive vibe from it. The gush of wind struck you by surprise, obtaining those feelings to go. You held onto Tsukishima's long arm, missing him from not seeing him for a mere three hours. You glimpsed up at him, catching sight of him plainly looking forward, walking with you away to his expensive sports car.

The tension was evident; you tried to make conversation.

"You know what we did today? We have a photoshoot from this famous magazine place, Tsukki! It was so cool and their equipment is so expensive. You should've been there! It was—"

"He saw your scars." he intervened.

Your face dropped and you glanced elsewhere. You acknowledged that he was going to bring it up, especially after that incident that just happened with him and Suna. You were quiet, unable to talk. But after thinking that he may use it against you, you spoke up.

"Don't worry about it. He won't know."

"Oh, I'm not worrying."

Little did you know, Tsukishima cared more than the amount of stars there was in the sky.

"Good morning, Suna!" you greeted the guy excitedly, as he strolled into the gymnasium with his duffel bag. You got done pulling out the cart filled with pumped-up volleyballs. He was quite early this morning. Normally, he would be late from oversleeping but today he was here before anyone else, even the coach.

He nodded at you simply and went straight to the change room, leaving a tensed atmosphere behind with a flick and a swish. Suna didn't utter a word at all though. A comforting feeling was welcomed in your abdomen at that. You were glad that he didn't bring it up, you weren't in the mood to hear about it either.

Practice came and went a few hours later and you were rushed around to get errands done, being the manager of the team. You quite liked the job, it was incredibly rewarding, particularly when they would win games. You felt proud of them. 

Another break came by to which you hurried over to the drinking taps in the hallway, with the box of water bottles. You took your time filling them up, humming lowly to yourself. Why were you so happy today? It was like all your problems were overlooked when they were literally in front of you for you to solve. For what reason did you neglect them? You were busier than anyone if you tried to fix your problems. But in truth, you tried to forget them, only because you didn't want your mood to get ruined.

Abrupt tension grew, you perceived goosebumps rising on your skin suddenly. What a coincidence—you were finishing up with your last bottle. 

You set the bottle in the container after making sure it was tightened up and picked up the container, turning around to face the suspect of making you slightly alarmed by your surroundings.

"Hi, Suna." you greeted again with a soft smile, relieved it was just him.

He looked at you with that usual, scrutinising gaze all over your face without dropping a word. You felt a little uncomfortable and looked to your feet, hoping it would somehow reduce the feeling. He was trying to say something, it was seen by the way he stopped walking altogether to watch your reactions. Suna took a while as if finding the right words.

"You don't need to pretend," he started and the pity was visible in his voice.

You ignored his words, proceeding to walk away. The boys would be waiting for the water, subsequent a long practice. They were practically dying of thirst in the gymnasium, a few feet away. Suna, however, jogged over to you, not failing to admit what you were doing.

"Look, ignore me all you want, but you're our manager and I don't want anything bad happening to you."

—

The words certainly hit you hard. 

The whole practice, later your little encounter with Suna Rintaro, felt like it had set you up for more burdening thoughts. You kept poking this choke in your throat, the tears stopped right under the lid from coming out.

As a person who fails to recognise her own problem, you were confused as to why someone like Suna cared about you. It was simple—he was troubled like how every human being should be if they saw cuts on someone. He felt bad.

You slammed the door, upon entering the apartment, needing to cry to let go of your feelings but Tsukishima was home. The hitch in your throat amplified as you watched how he was relaxed on the couch, eyes trained on the TV. He had a light smile on his face, enjoying the talk show that was going on. The guilt-trip you rode was surreal and deadening from the way you nearly let yourself lose control at the doorstep.

You weren't feeling so well after today's events so you made your way around the couch, sitting down next to him. Tsukishima's smile fell for a second, recognising your presence before the smile came back up at the crowd laughing on the show. 

You knew that...but you still sat next to him. 

You watched the show for a few minutes, the rotting prominent in your stomach. It was a sense deeply rooted in there and you severely wanted someone to talk to. Only if he was more mindful of you.

"Tsukki, I'm not feeling that great. Cheer me up?" you asked him softly.

He glanced at you for a second and then looked back at the TV.

"Tsukki, please," you tried again, rubbing both your hands on his forearm. You looked so pitiful, anyone would feel sorry instantly. You just wanted a hug.

"I don't want you to beg. It's disgusting." were the words that came from his vile mouth.

He turned off the TV and got up, walking away, seemingly tired of you being sad all the time. You couldn't help it. You bounced off the couch and followed after him. You were clingy, it was true. But it wasn't even an annoying way, it was just because you were sad. Couldn't he be a good boyfriend? For once?

He walked into the bedroom, with you trailing behind him, a little agitated. He couldn't just abandon you like that. You were still a person and his significant other. He needed to pay mind to that. He sat on the bed as you stared at him, waiting for him to say something. 

The blonde could see it—how sad and annoyed you were. The least he could do was talk to you, ask you what's been bothering you but he was so egoistic.

"Are you bored of me?" 

A tear came down your face.

Tsukishima rolled your eyes, not caring about the fact his own girlfriend shed tears in front of him. Other boyfriends would've pulled their significant other into their arms and hugged them, but Tsukishima, oh, he was different.

"Don't cry, it's annoying."

You furrowed your eyebrows, instantly reaching up to your eyes to clean up the tears. You were tired of crying but it would just happen by itself. Your tears had a mind of its own, coming at the worse times possible. Whatever you did, it was always 'don't do this' or 'don't do that'. Couldn't he be nice about it? That would help. A lot.

You stood there, drying off the incoming tears which would never seem to end. Until he reached for you, at last. You picked your hands away from your face, heart racing suddenly from the touch. Was this for real? Tsukishima pulled you in slightly, your fragile self falling onto his lap with a plop. You were in disbelief that strongly said Tsukishima was trying to comfort you. He looked straight ahead the whole time, unable to face you and your current state. You stared at him for a second, the sadistic aura still conflicting his eyes. 

But you needed it. Badly.

You moved to straddle his lap progressively and wrapped your arms around his neck. Tsukishima got comfortable himself, leaning back against the headboard, with his legs straight out as you laid your head on his shoulder.

It was quiet and uncomfortable. It felt forced from his side until his arms gradually came onto your back, slowly melting into the spots he would regularly put them in. A small smile painted your lips as another tear fell off your face. Being sideways, the tears glid over your nose bridge to Tsukishima's shirt, creating a small damp blemish. He rubbed your back softly, a comforting action straight to your heart. This is what you wanted.

"Thank you." you told him.

He didn't say anything, hardly enjoyed the presence of you on him. 

However, your comfort ended just like that. Tsukishima's ringtone played in the background, causing you to pull away. He picked up the phone, not looking you in the eyes.

"...you want me to come over?" he asked. "I already came over today...right. I'll come." 

He smiled after hanging up. "Babe, I'm going to my friend's house."

"But I just came back home." You were feeling worthless again. Were you that unimportant that he had to leave? He shouldn't have an excuse to go or to leave you this way to go see a friend. It was plain stupid and selfish. You were in his lap still, oblivious to the real case.

Tsukishima pulled you off his lap blatantly to get off the bed. You watched him stroll into the closet to pull on a random hoodie, acting as if you were never there, like you needed to go with the flow at everything he said. You got off as well, following out the bedroom door. What was more suspicious was the fact that he hadn't explained who this friend was. 

"I don't feel so well. Can't you just—"

He turned around to you. "And that's my problem, how?"

You looked into his eyes, mouth shut. The only person you loved acted this way and that caused an amazing impact on you. It was funny how quick you would react, like a peasant under his reigning. You were literally done for under his manipulation and torture. Tsukishima was the absolute worse.

He laughed.

"Right." he paused. "Don't you have a solution?"

Tsukishima brought out his forearm towards you and with his opposite hand, he motioned cutting. He laughed again at your shocked face and then left the apartment, leaving you in tears once again.


End file.
